Fear fest

I spent part of the wee hours writing a report to Classis Arizona about the cluster. It is hard to express all the things that whirl through my brain when I write about the cluster. I want folks to know how impossible this all is but I also want them to share the vision and dream the dreams and imagine what God might do. Yesterday I had a bit of a fear fest. I imagined it all going bad and no planters coming and the discontinuing of funding and the death of the dream. I imagined myself not working for the Village or the cluster and having to get a job keeping books somewhere or just being unemployed. It was a nerve wrenching ride down the fear road. I ranted for a while to Jimmy and he listened well. Later I kicked myself for letting the fear get the better of me and remembered that God is good and loves his kids even when we are a mess and haunted by the devil's lies. By the time I left Jimmy I was resolved again to continue the war against the real enemy, the liar himself. It is good to know that even if everything fails as we imagine failure, still God will redeem it and work it for good.

Tom Buss, a guy I met on CRC Voices, called me to have lunch. He talked about the early mission in Minnesota and how it took fifty years before anything of substance happened. Fifty years of people being faithful in smallness. Most died before they saw the fruit of their work. He laughingly said, "Maybe fifty years from now people will talk about that crazy guy with a vision for Tucson." Maybe fifty years from now Tucson will still be a dark city in the heart of the most underchurched county in America. One never knows how God works. I do know this: Fifty years from now I want people to look and see that God was good. They are welcome to forget I ever existed if they will trust that he is good.